Wednesday, January 18, 2017
The Monday Currently |05
My post way back when I was shaken by my TOTGA (The One That Got Away), entitled: "This will take a few...". Kidding aside, my heart melts as I read and understand what I've been meaning to say in that post. The emotions of that post still hits home even when it's been 2 years since I last cared for someone so bad that I thought it would be the start of something I've always been waiting to arrive, ❤️. So if I have to give myself the advice back when I was so inexperienced with dating and getting to know someone, I would tell my old self to not hold back. To face her issues not like an "adult" that she always perceived to be very sure and serious when it should not be the case because she must be forgetting her true self in the process. Stay true to who you are, to what you want to happen and to the persons that will be affected by your decisions. And lastly, never assume UNLESS the answer where already given to you by that person involved. Because you might just missed chances of a lifetime so don't get your gates closed and high just yet because it all that's happening may just be really intended for you to experience. The big plan is to make you better and stronger each time and not to keep you from your comfort zone with self doubt. Come out stronger Zelle!
I'm writing on a journal almost everyday since Lala chingu inspired me to be creative while offline which is now the case after the Nina typhoon last December 25. There was no stable internet connection and electricity since the super typhoon hit our district and so I resorted to a much more engaging habit of writing my big and smallest worries in life.
Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo OSTs! My favorite is From Now On because it's easy to listen to and just my mood to recover from the kdrama series that just ended. Aigooooo Let's not be too emotionally attached please!
I'm thinking of ways to give myself a reason to again believe that I can do great things NOW and in the future! In fact after my coffee date with Michael last Friday, I thought of taking an exam in line with the career I am in. I suddenly feel the need for reevaluation since I'm in a slump anyway and trying to gain self confidence in the work I used to enjoy so why not I devote my energy for learning and deepening my know how.
The scented mosquito coil with lavander scent.
My life in general would be as awesome as I pictured it to be with sooooo muchhhh love in the air and believers surrounding me.
To be very honest, I still don't know the difference between what to hope and to wish but I think if I hope for something then it would require my earnest participation so it can happen. Like I hope for a love life this year and hope it would never leave me this time.
I'm wearing my grey board shorts, my overrun F21 oversized t-shirt/blouse and because it's cold and windy outside, I covered myself with a hoodie jacket. Which reminds me of my favorite boss since he used to own this jacket. He's eyes must be strained from glaring at me each time I bring this jacket out of his cabinet located alongside our workstations so he just let me borrow it for life. Thanks sir Kent!
I'm loving the chat I had with Pastor Ayi over coffee this morning at 9am. The long and deep conversation started from my silly question, "if you were not in the ministry now as a Pastor, what life or career you would have pursued/take?" Then we had an exchanged of thoughts and some real life talk I need at the moment. We talked about life's purpose in general and how to lead yourself there with inner peace and confidence. And I realized, it must be really hard finding yourself because based from his undeniable talent in arts he could have been into somewhere nicer place (not to put down the state he is now) with very vast opportunities that could greatly help raise his family and uplift his financial status. But he reminded me to live in the present as I reflect it on my own which path to take since he assured me that "you knew exactly what you really wanted to do since you were a kid" and it's just that you're acknowledging now your true self, you're going through life and being a Christian helps you understand that there's purpose at every given situation. That it may be perceived by others as failure but in God's eyes it is not. And we should not be too focused on ourselves alone. We may compare of how others earn their goals but it will just slow things for those who do that. It's way easy to have some time alone while again being significant to the lives of those who would need your service, even they're on a smallest scale of help.
I've been wanting to have a work again! A career that I would want to take good care of for a long time.
I need to go find a place where I could be at my best self again! Where there is accomplishment in the job that I do, where there is companionship within friends and family and growth that would help me be a much better person almost all the time.
I'm feeling the warmth of God's love for me! He may often challenge me but because he believes that I can always finish strong and mindful, he would always send people reminding me to be kind and grounded at all cost. Let me tell you Lord now, thank you for always putting up with me and for not taking my life in those nights that I became so weak to even ask you to set me free from my issues. Again, SALAMAT ng marami Lord! You knew what I am the most grateful for and thanks for always keeping me companied through your grace. Amen!