Saturday, June 8, 2013

TOP Urgent!!!

I have a problem. I’m not pregnant just so you might think I am. Wait. Do you? Hahaha Let’s joke around some more because I’m not yet through with a firm decision and that’s what I've been up to for months now. Future it is. Sigh. My future which can only be revealed to me by my own self in no time.

So while everyone’s having their sweet dreams, I’m having an open eye nightmare by myself. I couldn't sleep while I’m in my bed though I know I was a couple of hours ago in my work station. I am in trouble finding ways to clear it out of my head and move on. But then again where is the path to “move on”? There I knew I am completely missing out something. Something that is in my control but I hardly grasp with both arms so I can use to my advantage. My core potentials. It’s given that I’m a graduate of a big time course in a big name school but I’m not finished with fine touches. To give you a hint, I hate math but I happened to love Engineering Economy, which I don’t care if it loved me back! Based on my grades I’m an almost Dean’s Lister in most semesters and hardly gets in. I’m that lazy in the eyes of those who think I didn't push myself too hard to strive for that could be framed certificates. But for that some, THANK YOU really but to be honest I'd never thought your thoughts of negativity by then will soon materialized. It’s an unconventional way of patting my back.

Everybody would say I never really listen. I’m the talker in a two way or group conversations. That when I know I have something to share I’ll say it without much thought for I believe in that spur of moment. So if I happened to experience bad circumstance I only talk to people who are around and somehow leave it there. Not that I keep them with also good friends but it's just that there are much better things to be in our agenda list. Needless to say, I usually arrange my thoughts here and settle it down by the help of my own thoughts that I forgot about what friends can offer as help. I thought I was good enough. I thought I’m handling everything coming my way finely that will not need to bother every friend or relative I know. And I am glad I was wrong. I have good friends and siblings who devote their time hearing me state my freedom of speech in back-to-back five pages yellow pad paper.
And so with that “my-thoughts-are-not-your-thoughts” way of thinking - couple of days ago I have found myself in good friendship with Nick Vujicic’s limitless faith and Steve Jobs’ conviction in coming up with well-loved inventions. It is safe to say I am inspired by how they were able to succeed in a life so dramatic to begin with.

But now that I've had a rare chance talking to successful people, who doesn't know who my parents are, why my hair is unevenly dyed, where do I spend my salary, how I celebrated my birthday etc etc... They are only bothered to ask one

thing that I for one is so curious to know, WHY? And all of a sudden my self-thought solution is proved to be not as firmed as it looked like to them. Silly maybe. I know that at the end of it all, my own voice is the only voice that will echo. Not that I didn't listen but for the reason that this is the very time to stand for my choices with conviction. I've heard the pointers to be taken into consideration in leaving a job, finding what you love doing, setting up your career and how to become like them, happy and successful. But in my mind I am still left with that decision and only my heart is moved. 

Thank you to those who made time knocking and even dared to break in my closed door. I've heard and agreed with all those. I am completely in deep thought now that I'm fully awake. But one must agree with me on this too, Steve Jobs could have not developed a Mac with multiple type phases and proportionally space fonts and apparently apple remains to be a fruit if he didn't drop out of "uninteresting" subjects back in his college and enrolled in calligraphy class which he finds fascinating.
And Nick would be the same with his deficiencies while he develops inferiority complex if he didn't believe along with his family that he is not called "special" for nothing, rather served as a blessing and now gets to talk in 300+ engagements a year all over the world held in coliseums, filled with anticipating individuals who are finding strength on this man who is too small for his age and without limbs.

But you might argue that I or you is not as talented or as bold as them that you can only be one of the people who think they're slaves of the matrix, negative, good for nothing individuals, I actually hate. Gaaawwwd. It's sad that you think of it that way but on the other hand I'm glad you are bothered by it. So now I know where to seek answers to my dilemma, it is to go back in finding that thing you once told you're lacking, immerse yourself in it then in no time you'll see yourself satisfied that you did try. We maybe pushed to the edge but it will always be worth it. 

And so my decision is... I will move out... Not to escape but to feel the need to be honed. I will most certainly trust my curiosity to go find what I love of doing. After all a smart choice is being judged and realized after knowing that you no longer feel the burden or any trace of that used to be problem. So even if I decide today, later, next week or more the one who can only figure whether that decision is smart or just another lesson that one has to take is ME, alone. I surrender it all to you Lord. I believe that in prayers I say I am guided each day to the path where you always want me to be. 

Fighting Zelle!!! Carry on to those who are feeling the same way! 

This too shall pass but don't settle. Got that from Steve Jobs! ^^

Credits to and owners of random tumblr pics. 

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