Monday, February 25, 2013

SpongeBob in Me

First thing's first, one of my hates' aside from acting pa'cute is to post negative or hateful status on facebook and the likes. I hate it when my emotions are eating me alive. Like my cringing fingers now forming into round ready for a fist fight because of my disgust whenever i do remember myself trying hard or showing hatred like now.

But to be honest, I'm in my biggest battle now. It's already been a month since I felt this alien feeling of boredom and tiresome from work and my vague future. Pathetic it may seem but I don't like the person who I am now. It feels like i'm a no fun at all person that is so anxious over the future. I just like to move on so I'm really trying to get away from this chapter as fast as I can and lead again a good life where I can finally be able to treat my parents for a vacation whenever they visit or give quality gifts on holidays to friends and relatives. To be able to share my labor to our church. To be proud of my job and be satisfied with. That's a life I all wanted but my psychological state is not cooperative at the moment and doesn't seem to play its role in this toughest time.

Moreover, I'm missing my old self so much that I've been trying ways to deal with this just by myself since its not really my thing to bother family and friends to get serious with this. And so I know I should call Him more often and listen and let his will take over. Sorry Lord if I'm like this so pushy how my destiny should be but all I wish is to cause no harm to anyone and just live like how Spongebob lives in Bikini Bottom.

He managed to adapt even if he's a sponge.

To laugh satisfyingly even if its just a simple joke, to eat whatever I wanted without looking for the back label which tells the food's calorie. Just like how I used to be in my college days, I wanted to be the person who is acting according to her own will and conviction that may it be a bad or a good thing in the end it will always be a rare and a surprising experience that MISIL had. No regrets as long as she tried. I miss that Misil, Lord please bring her back. Amen.

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