Sunday, July 22, 2012

MY Parents’ are the coolest!!!

A commemorative picture, my first time to have my make up on. ahahhaha and it's not that good in this pic. 
Nothing beats my cool, fun, rational parents. ( I’ll boast about them here without their knowledge.) Let’s cheer for my MAMA and PAPI!!! First of all, I was named after the first syllable of their names, JER for Jerry; MA(r) for Marietta. And I am exactly like my Mama with the combo of their opposite mindset and attitude and that makes me bipolar right?

As a kid I've grown up with a little grudge on these two, little things that shaken and at the same time toughen my heart to open up to them. They probably figured me just now that I’m fully grown up office girl. I must say I was hardly raised like if ever they got the chance to exchange me when I was little they would probably do so. But they never gave up on my clumsiness, tantrums, pettiness and all evilness as a KID. I thought back then I was living too hard that I've been not getting what I deserve when actually I was trying my bests. But things seem to change without even me noticing them. I've changed for my own and actually never thought that it will be soon for my own good.

They were like saying the most common comforting words parents will tell after scolding their troublemaker kid. So they say, “whenever we scold or hit you because of your mistakes that only means we love you and we care that hopefully you’ll change for the better”. Then as I grew older I still hear those words… (You’ll probably imagining how I was as a kid.) They even rephrase it now since its kind of too long to say. And here it goes... "When you decide for your own self don’t think of us as the one who’ll benefit from it. Do it like the way you wanted." And after hearing those over and over again like really? This is rather fearful than I thought it would be since I have got no one to point to when I come to regret a choice in the future…

Honestly, I've been listening from them since then and its not because I don’t have the choice rather I've come to trust these two. They’re my biological parents after all.

When I was seriously looking for a job and you've been noticing that I was checking on those job openings in Manila, Batangas… where’s real far away from home folks. I knew then you were worried. But as soon as you've seen the feedback I've been getting I knew I can have the chance to get your consent to be away from home. Basically that was my long time wish, you maybe saddened by this but knowing how I've been missing home, family events even burial of our beloved ones it all made me appreciate what’s in there. In the process, I instantly became a lawyer defending for my visions and very selfish aspirations. Being away from home made you uneasy already how much more wanting to still be away from relative’s premises?

So I went, had my first job after merely two weeks. But during the course of finding a work in Manila MAMA you provided me with strength. I got rejected for an almost job offer after a whole day process. Just the thought of it, how did I get home safe from far away QC? Your text goes “It’s really like that. Not all sincere people get to have what they deserve or maybe you aren't for that yet. Just keep your limits and think of ways near reality. Pray and you’ll get there.” After reading, I sobbed but surely made me even tougher.

You've given me free things I can’t even repay even that means starting my independent life and even more excited about it. I've showed tantrums the days you were giving time on completing requirements, looking for dorm to stay in and things I’ll need. I never seen parents annoyed by my childishness those times. You were so patient maybe because you’re still bothered but trying not to scare me but that time I was doing fine and not in the same way you’re feeling. I’m sorry for that.

The first visit you've had was a surprise to me. Mama traveled alone and I picked you up but before that I've seen a mother not in her gracious self. I’m actually feeling sorry for the l trouble I've caused you just to see me. The day we departed was like I already want to go with you since I’m already having issues with my work then. I cried right in front of you which was very unlikely of me to show my weakness. I think I've sent you anxiously away that time. Too bad I cried.

You've been visiting me without particular reasons and for that I've been seeing my worth and really appreciating God’s given gifts. To you my dear parents, though I don’t have the right to choose for my own roots, God indeed given me more than what’s expected. I maybe your unfriendly daughter back in my emo days but who I've become was my gift to you. I’ll be forever grateful because I know you've suffered a lot raising a kid like me. I may not be at home just like today but you will forever be present in my thoughts. I know it will take you time before you read this since I’ll be very shy if you did. So just in case you already did please assume you just didn't. 

Needless to say but you’re my parents and I’m beyond proud for having you around. I know my words won’t be enough but allow me just this once since I already cried just by writing this one. THANK YOU for all your sacrifices, for all my silly times… I still have a lot stories to share but the fact that you’re still here let’s just relish the time we’re still awake and just like what you’re always telling us, your kids, everything you do and have decided will all be for our own sake.

As I age more the more I appreciate your works and presence, your endless reminders. Your legacy will soon be passed on… the serious talks we had will never be the same without your sincere words Papi. I’m glad that I have the best father behind my back.

Our fond times where I join you cook our favorite dinner and the times we both understand why speakers and headphones are for. And that is to make people around understand how indifferent and at the same time diverse who we really are. You’re my companion like we share kilig reviews of our seen movies and dramas and we even cried because of them.

The times I came to visit our house you always fetch me in the bus terminal and embrace me with open arms. You’re the father whom I have a lot of concern because I know aside from the land you own you too only have kids as treasure. You've given enough inspiration, enough to be the person who stands for what’s rightful. Lately, I've been praying for you to change too because I've been noticing that you've come to a point where you've been hard to please too. It was like we have changed roles. You've been picky of things present before your eyes so I decided just to be like you. The way I see it it’s just a matter of time that we will all go through that we’ll be less surprise in this thing called life but I’ll make sure that you’ll never get tired.

You may also realize that whenever I go to church I always text you that I did go even you knew there that I should but it’s part of me copying your sincerity. Then you also started replying like thanks to God and hopes for me to be fine all the time. Bit by bit you’re doing fine just like that.

You’re actually the conceited type like you wanted to be praised by your deeds and its not because we’re not thankful enough its just that we’re used to you doing exactly good as that. We’re very lucky to have a capable father around.

I really got disappointed after realizing how I've been paying attention more on my work than you who just came to visit. Just like those days when I was still studying that I chose not to have my weekends with you.

This I guess has always been a challenge for me because more often than not I'm very bad when it comes to my relationship with you.

You’re not the typical mother that would say encouraging words. You’re so practical, lenient and all things upright.

Both my siblings are very good in ways you all along appreciate may it be effortless academics, evident abilities in arts, sense of humor which makes them popular to all relatives thus makes me the no-name sister of them… And since nobody wants to be the black sheep so there I took the role.

I've been very stubborn like when I do things I don’t mind your reasons better to mine. 

It’s without bitterness now since I can just randomly talk about the past… I knew then how unmanageable my tantrums can be but this is it… MA, PA, IN ALL THOSE TIMES, YOU WERE RIGHT.

Blogging isn't easy so as life...

Note: This has been written a long-long time ago...

I’m currently reading on DJ Gino’s blog posts, who I must say pushed me to do some writing (typing on this case) since I already have my netbook with me. Yehey! I actually got this from my mother in a very reasonable deal in a mother-daughter context of making barter. Some of my friends say I could just have it as free like a kid joking around for a gift in a toy store when she noticed her parents buying a gift for somebody. It’s not that I never thought about it but it’s just so strange when you’re already earning money, literally independent and happy about it.

(Thanks to for this pic! lovely right?!)

Anyway, here's Ginoboi's blog so you may have the idea of what brought my thinking into writing :)

I could have done that AGAIN but I won’t and realized that there are endings for free meals this time. It’s about time to be responsible for whatever you’re getting. I was actually rooting for a brand new one but she insisted that it’s not necessary since I already have it in the office. So I make things harder for her, just like old times I make tawad and make compromises. She agreed. I got a netbook for half its price, with broadband, mouse, safety cushion case and external dvd drive as its freebies. Just like that my mother was once again fooled by my convincing power which is very unlikely of her. I have known my mother as a certain woman. She knows what she’s up to and it’s pretty annoying that time because I felt I have an indifferent mom.  She’s the type who’ll not be swayed by your charms that turns to be a pagwawala after a visit to a mall. And the rest were history that I just can’t divulge here out of (self?) respect. Because she’s really strict that I have grown to fear her. Who among you asked your mother’s love life history? Because I did and I got nothing from my silly question. (Ohhh… She might have dark past, so she just leaves it as that) and that was just my thought. So to attract the things I want I’ve tried to make her proud but then realizing now how I’ve become… she really knows what’s best for us.

She may not be as open and motherly like other moms but she’s finely a cool mom. One of the moments that moved me was when she accompanied me to buy the things I need to my dorm here in Manila. I was getting annoyed and throwing tantrums because we didn’t get to Greenhills and just went elsewhere. But only finding that she’s not sure of the way to get there so we ended up shopping cheap ones (sorry for the words) and still she paid attention to what I really need. I was moved after realizing her reasons; our shopping together would be our last time together. She even left me with the laptop she just bought for me to still find for more work options though I already accepted my first job that time. After a month, she visited me I cried a lot after she left and it’s the first time she have seen me crying out of missing her company.

Now I felt still indebted for all she has to suffer because of having an immature kid like me. Also we’ve gotten a lot closer and I am there only kid who joins them sleeps every time there’s an opportunity for me to sneak in. I miss my cool parents and though I hate being intimate or having this talk well then, I must be human. Kansahamnida Omma, Appa! *shy*

Lesson learned: If you’re too shy to tell your feelings out loud, blog about it or say it in words people won’t understand.

DISCLAIMER: I’m a little sensitive.

(Thanks to for this pic! THIS just reflects me~hihihihihi~yowww)

These past few weeks I’ve been getting so short-tempered with things I’m not comfortable to talk about. Truth is I have a lot of insecurities that I’m still battling with. And obviously it hurts my pride reacting about it again and again. I used to be cool about it for quite some time but then again here are these people who barely knew me and think of these issues as just random fine things to throw on me. Indeed, provoking to make me feel uneasy now that kept me on typing. Sigh.

Little did they know that I’m really that sensitive type? Like I don’t have a height that can pass as a beauty queen maybe that’s the reason why I’m at the office or into football that doesn’t requires height and fair complexion.

I’m far enough from my sister as well. It’s already a cliché to compare sisters’ right but that’s it! I still get those same comments… And of course I’m turning on high hopes on myself whenever people ask if “who’s who” in all things that favors the other party. Then I got pissed but try not to let it show and just ride on it. I know. I clearly know why they’re asking.

Of course maturity strikes after a couple of silence. It’s all to get my reaction. To get to know me better maybe but will they be willing to welcome my easily angered personality.

I have learned from my late grandparents that whenever I’m about to get angry I should count numbers 1-10 first before saying anything. Hmmmnnn… but then again I used to forget but it always made me feel guilty for throwing tantrums and unthinkable words found on my gloomy atmosphere.

I’m pretty decent with my delivery of words as well and I guess I’m likable enough to be surrounded with teasing friends. And I’m a type of “what you see is what you get” I have depth in my reasons that somehow I feel like I’m down playing myself to be easily interact with almost everybody. But I guess I’m being too welcoming that they would think I don’t have boundaries easily wrecked. Guys, I have it too like you do. I’m not here to welcome your half meant jokes, sarcasms and all. It’s not cool man! You may think I’m ok with almost anything but I’m not. But I don’t know. But I won’t like it either if you’ll keep a distance from me just because you’ve been glared by my wicked eyes after hitting me hard. That maybe your consequence but for me the guilt bounces over and done that I again didn’t learned the lesson. So from here, let’s all live with a bit of space from each and every folks. Try to sense the change of street lights on the way of our lines.

Well, apologies on that peeps. It shouldn’t be it if you haven’t started~

(When I got mad I used to exude whatever I have on hand. Well not literally. That's to compensate for my lost of words and forgive me, self-pity.)