Wednesday, February 15, 2017

My Go To Person


Today, I just wish you all guys a happy Valentines day! Really, I hope you all are happy may it be with someone you dearly love close or afar. You might have forgotten how fond I am with LOVE that was not yet fully achieved by yours truly, so I'm just deliberately telling you now before you get that idea of how come I'm still single despite my fan girling with love received and gave by others to... others. So, let's get this topic diverted before I lost for words to share. 

Now, we're good. Just after lunch, I went to my room and had my usual self talk, that's now how I want to call it because it's literally, me talking to myself ALONE in the room. Like, I think out loud and try to open up to myself what I find to be worth to think about. I just always have this habit of digging my in most thoughts to know myself deeply. I'm not sure if I'm the only person who do this so do let me know if anyone who bumped into this is doing the same. 

You know that there's always a reason for every season in our lives. I know you might have heard of that. I'm not gonna lie, it wasn't from me. But I can't help but agree with it, and it composed of the usual ups and downs of emotions. Which is totally understandable because you're a struggling human being, say for example for me, the way to keep myself sane in this "stucked-in-life" season is my habit of talking to myself to come into terms with my truest intentions which I can only get from talking it through. And I'll just stop talking once I came at a point where my mind and my heart would both be pleased with my own words. I may sound crazy but I do negative self talk most of the times because I believe I'm a complicated persona joined into one body, one who is spontaneous and compulsive and the other one is pretty much a cautious psycho as if everyone she meets would get advantage of her if she opens up so easy so she maintains to guard herself. I don't think this will be relevant to anyone reading but again for me this is a therapeutic thing to do. Expressing myself through talking or writing is something I know I love and I am quite good at. So I love what is happening right now. This is really a productive thing to do for someone like me. See, you can't be very good with grammar and punctuations to be blogging about what you feel. I think my emotions are my only investment into doing this for years! Next month, March 3rd will be my 6th year blogging my entire life! This is an autobiography I'm doing! I'm proud because I'm this cool! Ahahahah Forgive and ignore you people!

K. Now.

Totally happy,

Main Man, I call him.

Because I rarely stay home and I have the itchy feet for exploration to go random and far places, I also found, met and be friends with strangers. People I have come friends with while I am doing what makes me happier. And because I tend to stay away from the ideologies of my family, I have found the "temporary friends" in life (with miracle like expectation) expecting them to stick with me even at my unlovable state and be added to what I call the regular people in my life. But who are these people, I'm referring as my "regular people" when I'm often physically absent in the lives of my own family? I mean, who am I to turn the ones I just met as my new set of dependable friends? 

And after years of drought, despair and amidst my complaints, I've found the one true friend who never left (and because this is my most awaited blog post according to me, I'll make the intro...duction longer. Ok.); the friend who came to my rescue each time I fall and found him where it all started... inside my heart he would encourage me to be braver. He's the man behind my lifted spirit    complimenting just every rejections, failures and doubts. He never really left because it is always I who walks away but this time, without me knowing he revealed himself through my pains and I'm glad we both met, with ease. 

How do you deal with yourself when you don't consider your home as if it's your own? 

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

I've been thinking about you ALOT.


We didn't start with that. We were both introduced to each other by one of my best friends, who's his blockmate in college then. And I still can remember the first conversation we had but don't give me the look as if I knew already that something's different with him. It just made sense now that "ahh ok, this is what he's been babbling about that time in the Library." I'm not quite sure why it's just the two of us in that table, obviously we were sitting, beside each other. He started talking about what he just read, like as if it was from his own words because I was caught off guard by his bluntness. Kaya eto na nga... he specifically told me about the sex drive of opposite sexes. Yes, he's a no filter kind of talker. ON. OUR. FIRST. CONVERSATION. MY. GOSH. I WAS JUST SEVENTEEN. Good thing about me is that I'm the open minded type of a person. I just let him finish say his piece. He started talking with an air of Kuya Kim in his introduction because he said it like this, "DO YOU KNOW that men and women have this big differences in engaging to sex? Like men would explore their sexual drive in their teenage years, it's about this time actually." And I was like 😱😱😱. What is this boy saying, we were like strangers just a couple of minutes before we were having this strange topic. I clearly haven't thought of me being a subject of a bet or a consequence but I don't mind since I can't seem to erase now the next words he dropped. He added, "But for women, they find sex engaging in their late 20's. It's different, I know that's why women in those age would look for a man who has the experience. They will most probably find someone with experience." And I was like 😳😳😳 on that note. I was flustered and just said in a confused tone, "ahhhh~~~". I wasn't able to rebut but I decided to leave the library earlier than expected because aside from I find him weird he is just freaking the weirdest!!!